I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
