Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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