it was like his penis was on wheels.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
