If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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