Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
