If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
