I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
