in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
