So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
