Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
