Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
