i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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