recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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