i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
