It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
