I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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