I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
