Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
