Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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