Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
