God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
