my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
