Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
