I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
