I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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