In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
