Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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