Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
