drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
