At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
