I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
