Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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