Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
