people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
