why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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