I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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