she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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