quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
BRING THE BAGELS
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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