Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
