When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
