but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Let's paint friendship bongs
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
