She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I met the friendliest cop last night
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
