Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
