Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
