a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
