a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
