he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
