One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
