I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
This beer is not sobering me up at all
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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