I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
